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too long to read, really

the dream started out very unassuming. i was just taking a little retreat to a beachy cabana house, a classy place. i remember there were a series of pools and springs on the graduated levels down to the beach. it did feel as though i was actually living there, rather than visiting. the elation i felt as i saw the ocean for the first time was intense and i booked it for the shore, splashing through the different pools. i didn't make the other tenants very happy with my wet wild run. i had to apologize several times. i remember there was some really bad music playing, so i whipped out my ipod and put on some good stuff. the groundsman who is also part owner immediately approached me with disdain for my changing the music. he said "you can't do that here." and i immediately said "bullshit." he was utterly offended, and i could tell i embarrassed him. i said i had a say in the choice, and then i sincerely apologized to him for being so crass and embarrassing him. my authenticity disarmed him and i hugged him, immediately feeling intense affection for him. i knew instantly that i love him.

bleepblip dream flip, i am now reaching into this bag i have with me. for every item i pull out, i hear a voice in my head (either live or a memory of someone telling me about the objects) telling me what object corresponds with which person i need to find to help me with this.... ritual. i didn't know what any of it meant. each object was yellow, and relatively hard to describe. the only earthly object i know what to call was a bright yellow lighter. the intention was to open some kind of fire portal.

the dream was very intricately woven into a rich story, wherein i had a very different personality and i got to know these people very well. there was something very "otherside"ly about this place too. at a certain time of the evening, its like the spirit world reigns and causes everyone to do very strange things. since i cannot really be linear about this story, i will share little snapshots of the rest of the dream:

twilight passes, and the spirits play. the man i said i had affection for now holds a bloody shovel and means to kill a woman. i feel intense compassion for him, he seems out of his mind and not in control.

i am dressed as the black swan, pirouetting in front of the mirror. i hear and urgent screech "a satan is coming" and remember thinking "satan is real?" and WHOOOOOSH i get the energetic wind knocked out of me, as i see this spirit pummel right through me. she laughs. she is one of the people who will help me with the ritual?

then there is an older lady, who lies in bed most of the time. but when the night come, she come. she usually takes the blow from the shovel man, and stays with him until he comes to his senses again, as if she cannot die. in her eyes, in the right lighting, you can see fire burning. she is the shaman, and i have a totem in my bag for her.

it seems like there is some building up of energy and tonight is the night for the ritual. but my memory skips out on how it goes :( next thing i remember, i am getting in the car with my mother to go to the airport. i hug the man so intensely and i can feel his longing. so i decide to stay and see what happens. i take my mom to the airport, who was supportive but not at first. i get back to the center, and i find they have all gone mad. they tie me up and proceed to act like military personnel and i am on lock down? i watch the sky as these six stars bounce like tennis balls in perfect formation, approaching us. i point it out. one of the stars falls into a fenced in area where a HUGE pit bull, (ferocious looking but i feel that he is totally mystically amazing and benevolent) plays with it. he tries to send it back over the fence, like a bad volleyball player. so magical to watch. so basically, everyone now with a military mindset still intends to follow through with a ritual. the bouncing stars were indeed some form of A.i. i can tell my friend feels very torn about my being held captive like that and i ask him to hold my bound hand. he reaches for it. alarm wakes me up.

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