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The Cause

Morning of October 29, 2014. Wednesday.

I focus again on certain aspects of the past, perhaps because of my life's present stages and its eventual "sunset". I have written much that was never shared because even simple things (simple to me, that is) do not resonate with the general public for the most part. Over the years I have reached longer stages of reflection and contemplation on what made me so different. My dream seems to "explain" it in a way that could have come many years ago. Semi-lucidity is sustained.

I am back being about one and a half years of age in Fort Ogden (Florida) but seemingly older - about six - in perceptive aspects (though I have also had dreams that were correct in the orientation). Were dreams a way to "remove myself from the severe pain" and thus, as a toddler, establish the level of dream recall (as well as many other diverse levels of legitimate sustained awareness of "higher dimensions") that most others do not have, including lucidity? This is what a few people told me is likely - even the prenatal memories carried over because of this. During the cyst occurrences as a teen, the post-surgery pain also seemed to be an aspect that triggered more vivid dreams and lucidity.

I have the accident in-dream (as in real life) and blood sprays everywhere, a few dots on the ceiling. "How am I alive?" it is asked as in reality - but still the NDE and the feelings of being disembodied and pulled about by "magnets". I am driven for miles with something wrapped around my small arm, out of the cypress swamp, to a small clinic. The doctor says my hand is "dead" and I would never use it again, particularly as the tendons and muscles were no longer connected. "In reconnecting with his hand, he accidentally connected with the universe".

A curious dream, I am "hollow" within my left arm and have no hand so I just look inside my hollow arm (like looking into an open shirt sleeve) without fear or concern. There are many little "Christmas lights". This seems to be a partial influence from a review of a dream just the other day ("Old West Train Rescue" from 1988) and even has a seemingly correct redefining of what that part of my dream meant about the hand and the "ribbon". I have always found it interesting how some dreams "rebroadcast" elements of previous dreams up to fifty years past in such a precise manner. The difference here is that my right hand was cut off in that dream. However, dreams often mirror aspects of things as well as the typical perpendicular shift of which I am not quite sure is the reason, and of course, typical composites, even of people.

Inside of my hollow arm, tendrils of light emerge. This reflects my "retraining" of my nervous system and attempted escape from pain - severe pain that eventually brought numbness. I catch the play on "train" and "retraining" as a dream metaphor. Riding in a train..."retraining" your channels of communication. Everything was resolved from this outward search.

Telepathy, remote-viewing, and especially precognition (in a natural attempt to escape pain, so my mind focused more on the potential future when and where the pain was lesser). These energies had to exist or I would not have established a new network to develop full use of my left hand again. New roots and branches grew within the brain to make it so different than the rest of humanity and the energy forms around me were "reprocessed". I had to develop and use parts of my mind that a person would never typically need to do...at any point in their lifetime. This became more and more obvious to me over the years as I continued to be validated time and time again in what I "saw" to the point where some people were naturally wary or "suspicious" of me for the most part (they did not even like how I enjoyed mathematics and was so successful in it). I still valued my friends and family.

My dream is only different in that I did not develop telekinesis in actuality, which I am very doubtful of existing in any viable form anyway. The tendrils of light from my arm cause a cup to slide across the table towards me. My mother does not quite approve. In some ways this may relate to the network of the somewhat DNA-like grid crisscrossing around my arm and the cylindrical lights that shoot around the strands, some fading, some becoming brighter, like a miniature subway network.

I have images of people made of electronics and little else. Their wiring has short-circuited. They lie about crumbling - as transistors and diodes, charcoal-coated on edges. I end up being in some sort of exoskeleton, upper body only, and am somehow picked up and put in a technologically advanced "trough" where there are many others waiting for perhaps a contest - this seems to be a "correct" destination and event, though this is only a fleeting experience. Many other images come now, primarily patterns of broken obsidian. This is the "real" nature of humanity...broken obsidian...and I fly around the outside of this "universe". This is not the first time I perceived humanity as broken pieces of obsidian.

Were it not for my accident, perhaps I would be a human being, though some easily or quickly sense the difference and some do not have such ability; still an odd puzzle, evidence of more than one "species". Being human would be like not existing, as I have almost been there on the threshold. I could not relate to being human - I must wear the mask and try to mimic what I see and pretend ignorance of the "higher" patterns beyond the Pascal-triangle-like layers. Only a few are not fooled.

theta b3.0
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