Morning of December 16, 1990. Sunday.
One of the most vivid dreams of this time period was linked with several other dreams of the time relating to my not-yet-known future wife as well as being a continuation of similar dreams since earliest memory.
In my “Rollover” dream (original title), I am in the side yard in Cubitis, in the exact same spot as several dreams of the past of particular (even peculiar) isolated significance (rather than being a typical composite location - this one is precise almost as if I am really there “on location” again). I sense it is early morning, perhaps around eight o'clock, and there is a light mist about a foot high in some areas, including near the foundation of the shed. The green-eyed, dark-haired “mystery girl” with the unusual mixed Hungarian gypsy/Australian accent, as vivid as ever, seems to be playing some sort of game, pretending we are in a “fall-over and die” childhood game even though she seems about twenty years old. (Of course, a lot of children do this, but my “imaginary friend” had her own “imaginary friend” - who is my in-dream “Little Red Feather” persona based on a toy I chose as a child from Evelyn W - well, the name happens to match my wife’s imaginary childhood friend exactly - in other words, we were remote-viewing each other and neither of us were imaginary in the end).
I fall down automatically (very similar to the “Scared Grouse” dream - with the intense “nudge” effect), seeing her “tower” above me (she primarily faces southeast at this point) with an amazing smile on her beautiful face and I feel very weak though not threatened - she is almost goddess-like and does not seem to have negative intent. I am trying to work out the scenario and its implications but cannot move as I would like. She is in white at one point. I sense others around but they are vague and “half-formed” compared to her, almost as if she is the only soul that fully exists. I do not even realize that I had not been in this location in real life since summer of 1978. Although there were several other dreams during this month featuring this “imaginary” girl (again, the same one since childhood), this one stands out as being one of the keys that finally made the impact - this was “real” in a sense of what would soon be, even though I did not even begin to suspect this dream type would prove to be fully literal. I would come to actually marry my life-long dream girl - and the rest is history.
Again, this girl, I had not met yet, is the one I came to marry and have been married to for twenty years. Thus, I document my dreams and my life, with honestly, sincerity, and with as meticulous an intent as possible.
One of the things I have refused to do in my own lifelong dream work is create a division within my own experience and awareness. It is very dishonest to try to mold and frame a dream into a linear “story” while stripping away the most intricate details of my dream that do not fit within society’s present belief system. (Dreams certainly are not linear stories in my experience and take a lot of focus to indicate the surreal, usually multilayered nature.) If I had done that, I would not even have pursued and harmonized with the “mystery girl” or achieved bliss, validation, and vindication - and thousands of questions would have remained unanswered to this day.
The “Rollover” dream is a good example of why it pays to be honest with oneself. The “mystery girl” in this dream is the same she has always been since early childhood - the unlikely details exactly matching my long-term wife to be - it is not an “almost” or “close to” or “sort of” but simply is. I have never seen another girl anywhere - in overall appearance and mixed accent and childhood history (much of which “matches” with mine even though we are from completely different backgrounds) that even came close to her, let alone matching thousands of other unexplainable associations including her birthplace being the inversion of my own across the ocean. How is one to “explain” this? The “answer” is fairly simple. No one can. No one has ever been able to “explain” anything in the course of my life and almost everything I have been told during the course of my life has been incorrect (though probably not always deliberately deceitful). No one can even explain how I was able to regain control of my left hand as a toddler. The majority of people, from what I have seen, seem to desire to “rewrite” someone else’s legitimate experiences with their own “cop out” outlook and lack of direct experience - and that is unacceptable, then (as a child), and especially now.
