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Kali Ma

In India, in Varanasi. In an old stone house. I was gathering with many friends... Jagadish, Simone, Sudheesh, Moksha, and many more...

I was wandering throughout the building... I left the others to go and explore. Upon reaching the top, I walked out on to the roof. There I found a large carpet spread out... it was red, black and white, the colors of tantra. There were ritual apparatus set up.. I had strange feelings in the pit of my stomach, like something bad had happened there.

I rushed back downstairs, suddenly gripped by fear, to go and tell the others what I had seen. As I entered the room, everyone was seated on either side of me, cross legged along the wall. There was a large window directly across the room from where I stood, in the doorway. As I gazed across the room, KALI rose through the air outside and hovered before the window. She floated into the room.

Simone turned to me, and nodded. She said I must go to Kali, and embrace her as my mother. I walked towards Kali, she remained still. She was in her most hideous form, old... ugly, covered in blood, utterly repulsive.

I went to her, stood before her, and reached out my arms to embrace her.

Suddenly she screeched like a banshee, and I was so terrified I reach out my hands and began to strangle her, to try and stop the horrible noise. She fought me a little, but soon grew limp, and I killed her.

I failed... in finding the love and surrender to this great Goddess.
But she did become my ally after this.

(Dream from India, after a week of fasting during Navaratri)

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