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oh my love he lives in portland and there i ride a bike

Last nights dream ***

moved to portland

current day

my cracked blackberry

portland is familiar, kind of know my way around

riding a bike everywhere

thinking of my love ( he lives there)

out with a big group of friends at night, new and old friends

my love meets up with us, we are all walking around and enjoying the group

one new girl worries me not sure how i feel about her

my love and i walking close ( wanted to hold his hand but wasn't sure if it was right) we were arm to arm the whole night. all of it kind of dream like in the dream.

We all went to an icecream/music/espresso/cafe at the top of a hill at the top of a tall flight of outdoor stairs.

felt in my pocket- no phone only case

got seperated from my love

wanted so much to find him, and let him know that i lost him

felt so lost so sad, needed so much to be loved by another and talked with a dear old friend ( a mutual friend of ours) i was sobbing and it felt good to let my heart flow, i told him with energy that i loved ( my love) so much and wanted so much to be with him- he was sobbing too and we held one another and he looked in my eyes and he told me how much he loves me and i in turn told him as well.

next day

got my phone

called my love

told him i lost him and didn't do it on purpose.

told him how hard it was to not hold him, his hands, and kiss him.

he said i was being needy last night

that i used to be more in charge and last night i was not.

i asked him if we could date.

i said- i live in portland now and we love each other so much and we are GOING TO DATE.

he said he is really focused on his work but if i could take command that he would gladly date me.

i explained how i wasn't sure how to act in public w him last night and that it wouldn't be an issue in the future, now that i know we are free to be together.

happy.

we will date.
all is well in my heart

great relief

oh how i love him and he me

then i was riding my bike

through down town
i had some directions written down
i needed to turn L on E 32nd ( which would take me to my loves house)
when i got up to 32nd i realized i was on West side of town, so i looked for a bridge to ride across and get me to E 32nd
at W32nd the road turned right and to the left was a small bridge. i started riding across and could see a Jamaican jerk food cafe at the end but there were too many cars and i turned around thinking i was going to get a ticket or get injured because bikes aren't allowed on that bridge.

i backtracked and ended up at a foodbank/soup kitchen/vets hall/houseless refuge/cat rescue/spiritual center.
(funny how in a dream you can walk into a place and pick up so much about it like that)
there were many alley cats that all looked kinda rough but super well fed and many bags of really good cat food up on a kitchen counter.
i was petting the cats and all liked me except a huge grey and white patched cat he hissed at me. i didn't take it personally.

i called my son on the phone standing outside and asked her how to get to E 32nd from where i was. There was a daily 5pm peace silent circle forming out in front of the building as i was getting ready to leave.

My son laughed and said- see i told you you need a new phone , one that can give you proper directions( or something like that)
then my other friend chimed in on the phone ( they arent in the same house but whatever) and she told me to ride across that bridge that bikes were allowed and to go up and take a L and i would find my street.

looking at phones with my sons real quick one touch blackberry had mario on it

back to my bike on the bridge

found E32nd

riding though my loves neighborhood

see his house with his car and his sister leaving

go to end of street to turn around and go visit

but his work partners car was in driveway and my love and his work partner had taken his car to the studio , so i tell me self i will see him later.

dream ends.

***lots of symbolism, detail and emotion felt while dreaming this.

let me say that " my love' is this man, the love of my life and we have not been togetehr for over 10 years now, we have mildly stayed in touch, but i love him so much. this love is timeless and has never left.

after many years of this kind of connection( a love that never died) i finally asked him( in january of this year) if he still felt the same love and if he thought that we should be together. he gave a very vague non answer- so i took that as my answer and decided to energetically let him go and be open as possible for another love such as he in my life my should my heart my body.

but hahaha

i have this dream last night and find it odd-
what is it?
have i done my best to let him go?
how can i?

am i even supposed to?

your insight- healing- thoughts- anything is much appreciated

love
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