2-15-2013-BREAKTHROUGH SESSION- I am standing in the hallway, and decide to start some tantra work. I begin by holding asanas (postures) and mudras (hand gestures). The intensity quickly builds- the moment is ‘hot’. When I end the posture I am instructed to go outside. It’s a beautiful day with warm weather. I sponteaneously break out into channeled movements. Optimus Prime (transformer) spirit comes out, and I immediately am led down the sidewalk taking wide, slow steps, stomping my feet and swinging my arms. I can hear the sound of a large mass of metal slamming each time I stomp my foot. The focus of this merge was on wellness. A spectacular sense of power surges through me…it spikes and then settles. I continue the dance at the end of the sidewalk, doing some simple foot shuffling and arm waving. I turned around and the movements changed to slow and repetitive.: I close my eyes and see beautiful patterns and palaces and buddhas. They are vividly colored with blues, greens, purple and a shimmering gold light. I feel a penetrating sense of deep inner peace and silence…centeredness beyond that which I have ever felt before. I am dipping my head up and down in long, slow movements when I am guided to put my hands by my ears in a specific mudra. My head instantly feels a newfound sense of clarity. My ears pop slightly and I can hear better. This continues for only a few strokes. I notice that I was starting to get pretty tired- the session is coming to an end. I considered stopping right then and there, but decide to test myself a little more, slowly starting a new set of movements. Spirit tells me that I have “…done a lot” already, so I accepted that I was done for the time being. I immediately stopped and sat down after hearing that, because finding an appropriate and perfect endpoint is important. Too much of that Kundalini can be real harsh. It can leave you burnt out, chewed up, and spit on if you overdo it. That day, I was very ill with some sort of ‘gastrointestinal disease’ I was told. Some blood showed up in my stool so it was pretty serious. Once I sat down, I was feeling quite accomplished and very high from what I had just done. My heart was racing, and I found myself feeling very nauseas and depleted. I almost regretted the session I just had, because it shook me to the core. It left me feeling weak, tired, and sicker than before (detox symptom). A childish grin arose when I remembered my reason for doing it: The deep sense of peace and fulfillment that comes along with carrying out Holy Work, with performing your soul’s duties. I focused on that feeling, and it flooded my consciousness. The pain was drowned out with a deep sense of ecstasy…
I sat with this golden nugget until a clear vision appeared depicting an old Middle Eastern man wearing a robe. I read into it and a sentence came to mind. Due to the reason mentioned above, about not wanting to get jaded, I felt a small bit of hesitation. I sat up and continued anyway, and began chanting his foreign words. Instantly, a wave of ecstatic energy showered down from my crown. I understood this phrase. It was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. The words were reassuring, and it totally erased the doubt that I was holding onto. His message began to change, although the words I repeated did not. His wisdom I could feel deep within my being. My mind was trying to translate the successive messages, or lessons that were coming through into English words. Some fragmented sentences were formed in my mind, but I quietly let this distractive chatter go, and simply let the words be felt. In this way, the teachings could be understood and ingrained at a more cellular level. Part of me wanted to conceptualize by explaining, describing, and remembering the experience, but deep down I knew that it was best to simply feel the words. And feel them I did- like a dynamic, orgasmic force that was plugging into my etheric orifices. When it was over, I knew that it had brought coherence to my cells- even though my conscious mind was at a loss- not knowing the wisdom that had just touched me. ::UPDATE:: upon writing this, I have remembered the first message from the entity- the one that gave me the immediate reassurance. His message was “You can continue”. I was initially hesitant to continue my work, because I was starting to get burned out, and I did not want to get ‘kundalini struck’. The man was telling me, and showing me, that I could continue the my practice without harming myself. I was led to ‘feed myself’ . To manifest nourishment through the tantra. A valuable lesson indeed.
I stopped chanting and sank back into the chair and into more visions. Eventually, a new spirit dominated my mind screen. A character from a computer game I used to play. The Naga Sea Witch- a woman from an underwater race of peoples. She looks like a mermaid with green skin, with a webbed crest on her head instead of hair. I opened myself to her- allowing any thoughts, feelings, or knowings to surface. She came to teach- regarding the sorrow that was within me- the sorrow that had recently surfaced over the past few days especially. She basically taught me that to release my sadness, I would have to become more like a piece of seaweed, or a fish, or whatever; something floating in the ocean. I would have to make like a sea creature and just float along…without resistance- and just stop caring so much about where I go or what I do. {so to speak}. In this way, she encouraged ego-lessness.
I had visions of being submersed in luminescent blue-green waters, surrounded by fish and various sea creatures. The sea witch’s message came through visions, words, a feeling, and a ultimately a knowing. I concentrated on her and this feeling she came with…the vision grew brighter-bigger. I felt the sway of the calm, smooth current of water. I felt my resistance lessen, and my sorrow diminish. I felt my ego shrink, and the feeling of emptiness that comes along with that.
The Naga left, and for the next few minutes, I sat in a state of utter bliss, enjoying a divine visionary experience. I dwelled on my soul’s spiritual progress, completely bound with gratitude. I wondered “Why is it that I am so much more advanced than the peers that surround me? Is it because of the things I have done? My hard work, of clearing my karma? Or is it because of the circumstances that I was born into, the experiences that have presented themselves to me?” Then the divine intelligence stepped in and explained: They are one in the same- The hard work you exert is simply another circumstance that presents itself to you. You are but a strand in the web of life that all evolves at it’s own pace. At that moment, I felt very connected to source- I had the perspective that although my ego has accomplished much, ultimately I am only an observer through this path of transformation and ascension.
Humbled and thankful, weeped with joy, I stood up and threw my arms wide open towards the sky- offering my heart to the heavens in a symbol of devotion. I coarsely dropped my arms and walked away. In order to honor the experience, I vowed to immediately continue on with my day, and not dwell on the spectacle I had just witnessed. I would let it go until it was time to write about it.
(Note: when I walked away, I turned and looked over my shoulder, feeling as if I had left something behind. I continued walking, and smiled, reassuring myself that nothing was lost and that it was appropriate to let go of what just happened. However, I believe something deeper is amist. Thoughts???)