I write these words to inform and share a great story- for an unfolding equation this awesome is too much to withhold. Today I did more powerplay, and the benefits are far-reaching and are still unfolding from the session I just had- A timewarp through heaven and hell, reaching within, but trying not to grasp.
It began with a feeling of illness- aggravation, insecurity, and physical discomfort. For it was time to do some routine cleansing on my body, and healing on my spirit. I promised that this time I wouldn’t be so harsh. Do it slowly and allow my body some calories if I felt the kundalini burning me from the fingers up. I sit down to meditate, ready to devote myself to the task at hand- Healing is my goal. I sit for few minutes with not much success. I feel stopped up and stagnant- unable to concentrate. My left ear is plugged up- a manifestation of emotional blockages. I feel the desire to ingest some psychedelic catalyst- I smoke some herb. I intend to sit back down to meditate but I am called to do some yoga. I begin the deep breathing and feel that I have a heck of a lot of thoughts and feelings to process. This is no small task. I am guided to lay out the yoga mat with my matress pad next to it , with NO gap in between. This will allow me to do the pose I am feeling called to do without touching the carpet. Note that the setup is just as much part of the session as the poses. Whatever I am called to do, i do it immediately without hesitation, while the timing is still ripe. I am doing a fluid flow involving some official poses, with variations, and other rag doll positions, plus everything in between. I am simply moving and breathing however feels good, with deep concentration, and constant re-evaluation of where im at and where to go. Suddenly the desire to drink some tequila comes up-I think to myself “Fuuuhhh…” I knew that I was in for it. The assistance would speed up the process of processing that I was doing. I Boldly walk to the freezer and sink down the liquor. I pound a dose. I know that I must drink more…I figure “Ive came this far”. And grab the bottle again. This time I can see a line in the cup. I am being guided to pour a certain amount in, an amount that seems large to me. I end up pouring a microscopic distance below the line that I cannot see but only feel. Instead of doubling back to pour more, I accept my own imbalances and refuse to inconvenience / ashame myself by going back to try and pour such a small amount more into the cup.
I drink it with conviction. I know the potential of the situation. Im ready to go down In flames if it means the success of my prosperity. I immediately feel buzzed. I immediately start having insights into how I could adjust my behavior in order to prevent the stagnation that I was feeling. What to do next? I wonder. I have the thought of going outside to spin flower sticks. My thinking mind comes in and wonders what would make for the best decision? The best use of my time? I know that the initial urge, is leading me to power. I bust out the sticks and feel a sharp level of skill come out. I have so much fun! Next it’s the nunchaku- I clearly see what to practice, how I can improve my game and expand my skill level. Once I am panting enough I drink more water and know that I belong outside again. Not having a clue as to what lies next, but willing to put in more work, I know that power will lead me to potency. I feel called to do some cartwheels. I put delicate effort and care into landing smooth, square cartwheels back and forth. Next its time for some sacred dance. I feel the urge to do it, immediately follow by doubt-I figure my body is in no shape do be hopping around. However, power is leading me. The golden FOL spirit reminds me that strength and energy comes from within. To ignore the call would be a forfeit of power. I start to move and breathe in a very rhythmic yet non-repetitive way. My heart rate increases along with the speed of the dance. I am jumping around. I feel afraid. Afraid of losing control of such force, of falling victim to the intensity. Handling fast energy requires a high level of impeccability. Once it gets going there is no backing out. The substances I ingested magnify the strength of the experience. I feel sick to my stomach. I see beautiful rainbows and streams of light pouring through space. My body feels in better shape than ever before.
During the dance I am working to balance the ego’s involvement in it. Too much ego involvement means I am focused on making the dance look a certain way. The flow of Kundalini coming through the crown lessened when this happened. Too little ego involvement and I lose my steam-my motivation. My movements then become weak and slow. I see my aura turn grey. I get down on myself when I dont involve some of my own feelings. I bounce back and forth between these two symptoms, striving for balance. To continue going and stay focused is a great test of will. I feel an almost unbearable urge to stop dancing-for I feel I may go crazy in ways that I wouldnt even understand. The will to continue and my confidence in the power of grace was strong enough to continue. Transformer spirit made himself seen and I initiated a merge. I feel pounds of pressure weigh down on me and harden me from the inside. The spirit takes the wheel and the style of my movements change. This spirit offers power of mind (metal) over resistance to TRANSFORMation. I channel him for moments until the resistance snaps and the dance continues. This is a breakthrough session. Insights are flowing through fast-I am bathed deeply in TRUTH.
I am panting real hard when I end it. The session was absolutely magnificent- I feel that I have uncrunched some deep seeds within myself. I feel neausea, coupled with more fear. For the illuminating effects of what I have just done have yet to be realized. Theres no way to just back out of the situation in just a moment. I have committed myself and I must ride out the wave. I must integrate the increased flow. I reach for my cell phone to start conversations…I have a burning need to share speak with others. I find a place to relax outside…on a mattress. Still I am embedded in the task at hand. I am focused on the forward flow of energy. When sitting completely still, I would feel discomfort, stagnation. I continued to move, if only in the slowest fashion. Rocking side to side, and swinging my head around with my shoulders. I felt quite sick at this time. From the alcohol, the superfood bars I had eaten before the session, and the quick detox that was taking place through the purging. I was absolutely high as a kite- I hadn’t handled this much power since my last acid trip. My current experience reminded me of it.
By now I was gripped with terror. I was growing weary, but felt locked in to the session. I had to continue. I could not settle for less. I sit cross legged on the mattress. It is now dusk. I hear the neighbors nearby but feel truly alone. No one can save me now- I am left alone to face my own thoughts- my own mind, and my own feelings, in my own body. The confrontation of the Self. I endured the spins and proceeded to focus on healing. Here I am working to balance the force of my efforts. I’ll get too lazy and cut slack on the forward flow of energy. Upon correcting this, I would end up pushing or forcing the energy through- often out of frustration, impatience or spite towards myself. I was going back and forth…back and forth…endlessly swaying like a pirate on his ship, sailing through the ocean, not knowing if or when he would find land. I wanted to scream and run in panic, but it was too late. For in my own mind I had already run away screaming...and there was nowhere to hide. A DEEP, DEEP burden sank in the pit of my stomach.
Here I felt subject to a force much greater than me. The awakening Kundalini- it’s activation like the snowball effect. It gains momentum and picks up speed. It becomes increasingly harder to slow down. Once it gets going it has a mind of its own. On a personal level, I had just been bathed in too much truth to be able to back down. I knew that doing so would be giving up my power. I knew my options- continue exercising the tantric muscle of my focus, or back down in cowardice. I could return to my everday life and just chill- OR , I could make something of myself. I had the opportunity in my lap to continue my ascension. Right then and there-no procrastination. Powerful frequency rising was taking place by the second. But the hot intensity of the situation was getting almost unbearable. How much more could I take?

But who was I to interfere with such a profound process? This is bigger than just me.

I started to see the spires, flames, and demons of hell around me. I knew I was creating it for myself, but I had purpose. I could not… I WOULD NOT give up just yet! I was willing to endure the forge- to suffer through the fiery depths I had placed myself in, in order to emerge stronger than before.

I was willing to give my life in exchange for wholeness……

And in here lies a wicked paradox-for wholeness includes your life. To find wholeness requires that you don’t abandon yourself, that you are taking every aspect into account, including yourself , and especially your own sanity. In the spirit world, the theme of Satan involves lust, which is DESIRE that burns so strong that it will burn YOU – it will damage you. You will suffer because you are fiending over some unattainable thing. When you are lusting for something, you can never have enough of it because you just wont feel satisfied- you just want more and more no matter how much you have already. You are missing the point of pursuing desire, which is to find pleasure, and instead you become a slave to the desire. You are seeking just for the sake of seeking, and it’s a road with no destination.

On this night I was lusting for power, and I was so deep in it that I was scared for my own life. I felt inches from death. There was no telling if I would make it or not. For to play with power is a dangerous game- Its like wrestling a beast. The more you conquer the more you attain- but one slip and you are gone. The battle I speak of is quite real. It may seem figurative but I mean it in quite a literal sense.

Seeing into hell did bring up some remembrance for me. I did not need to continue. Nothing was pushing myself but me. I was free as a bird, yet I felt trapped. I knew I had the choice to continue or not. I wanted to continue, but I was fearing for my safety. I was nearing a mental break. I knew I couldn’t take the heat much longer. Once again I was slipping into madness. I decided to end it- to let up on the pressure. It took a few minutes of focus to calm myself down and pry my eyes from ‘the prize’.I agreed to cut myself some slack. I got up, went inside, and had a bite to eat. Interaction with others helped me take my mind out of work mode.

I lay down to start writing about the experience. A few minutes go by and I start to feel overcome with neausea. My head is pounding. I toss and turn hoping that the sickness will pass…I end up going outside prepared to vomit. I had a lot of emotion to be processed that was causing the blockage. I felt very sick yet my body still felt really strong and vitalized. Still with residual energy from the session, my senses were heightened and the pain was excrutiating. I wanted so badly to vomit but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I knew that to do so would bring relief, but forfeit my shot at processing what was stuck, and therefore attaining more power. I was back at the forge >.