Once I started my awakening, I began practicing innocence, knowing that this was the path that would lead me back to god, to a state of pure peace and higher awareness. I worked to lay aside my ego and life selflessly, in service to truth and healing, the truth, and the light. I knew that this would eventually let me transcend this world of duality and suffering. I believed that there was good and evil in this universe, light and dark, plus everything in between.
I had a series of experiences that enlightened me about the nature of light and dark. First I'll start with the last time I drank ayahuasca, during the trip I could see and feel this dark power growing within me. It felt good, it felt empowering! I went with it. I had many visions of how this dark energy could be applied to my life. Like not giving my power away to other people by thinking that I should be nice to them or listen to them or give them any time of day if I don't want to, regardless if it hurt their feelings or not. I agreed that applying this power would be beneficial to me. By using this dark power around people who haven't acquired it or embraced it, I would essentially be building my own power at their expense. I would be feeding from them. A simple example would be ignoring someone when they seek approval, or basically leaving them high and dry when they are vulnerable and need help, instead of offering yourself to them. One who employs darkness in their own heart is immune to such stabs.the drawbacks of using this power are heartlessness, isolation , and a general sense of bitterness. This is the type of energy that dark sorcerers use.
A few weeks later I had an experience wherein I channeled immense power from a red/orange/yellow boar spirit. When it came through, spontaneously, my initial reaction was to stop, because it felt dark. I continued regardless, based on intuition. The energy turned from having a warlike quality to a hellish quality, as I was flying with winged gargoyles over pools of lava In my vision. This meant that the energy had gotten out of hand. I applied a sense of love and the energy was lifted from the lava. I was now channeling knights in shining armor. So i was shown the light and dark side of the same power. The two spirits, the boar and knight, represent ego strength. The boar is not hesitant to act on what it wants or how it wants to be regardless of what others say think or feel. Nothing will get in it's way of seeking self pleasure .Whereas the knight lives to serve his kingdom and his people. He is selfless and finds honor in that. Afterward I was shown a vision of how the two sides complement eachother and create something even more powerful than either one by itself.
The next experience, I was feeling very depressed on a rainy day , not knowing what to do with myself and just thinking "when will this end?" Slowly, a black hooded spirit energy appeared and dosed me with some hard truth. Without words, it told me that there is no saving grace in this lifetime. No one or nothing will bring you the love that you want in your life. Ultimately you must create it for yourself by your own will. Now I felt like it was the toughest pill I've ever swallowed, hearing this message. I grew very weak and my spirit almost left my body out of despair.
So a day or two later, while at work, I experienced a big shift in perspective. A break , or a snap if you will. I think of how when something reaches maximum expansion, it switches to contraction. I was still feeling utter despair . Some unconscious thought processes came to my attention. I felt forsaken by god. Like I had been pouring my heart and soul into serving the light. Sacrificing my own wants in service to a higher cause , or god. Now I was left with nothing. Previously I had been believing "oh I'm just victimizing myself. Gods love is available to us at anytime if only we choose to surrender to it and therefore be in devotion. " however, at this moment, I laid my full willingness out on the table. I would have done anything, released any attachment in order to be graced by gods love. And there was nothing. . . My perspective shifted and I saw how people are living in sin because that's what they need to get by okay. Not everyone is blessed with gods grace readily available as I had been. Anyway a hatred for god was growing within me, and I understood why people depict god as masculine. Because there is the tough love there.
Suddenly, my heart surged with the divine love that I had been desperate for just minutes ago. I felt a big release of attachment to this feeling. I would no longer be swooned or controlled by it. I will no longer depend on it.From now on, everything I do will be completely self serving, is what I decided. If I act in service, it will only be because I feel like it, not because it's the "right" thing to do. I decided to start living in ego, taking the pleasure I wanted out of life-observing the consequences of selfish or impure actions as fully as I could, but not fearing any consequences that may come out of acting in sin. The dark power spirit was taking hold and I was allowing it, and enjoying it thoroughly.
Until this point I had always wondered why shamans would use black magic. I figured that if an individual was aware enough to perform magic, that they be enlightened enough to know that they were creating a karmic burden for themselves and contributing to chaos in the universe. Wouldn't they want to do everything they could to get closer to a more peaceful state of existence? Closer to the light and closer to god?
Suddenly it made sense. I had been pouring my heart and soul into serving the light and I still wasn't happy. God had left me high and dry. I've experienced my share of divine bliss states as a result of the light work I've done, but it wasn't enough to keep me going. I knew it was time to start playing in the dark and taking what I wanted out of life instead of living a life of abstainance and renunciation. I was no longer concerned with creating a karmic weight for myself* something within me broke loose and I knew I needed to start feeding my ego and embracing darkness and evil to survive.
* when you perform an act of service, when you act selflessly with pure intention. You relieve yourself of karmic debt that keeps you weighed down , and seperate from god, from a state of unity consciousness. When you act selfishly, or simply interfere with other peoples lives, or act in sin, you accumulate karma that will inevitably have to be painfully burned through later . Having children creates karma for yourself because you are responsible for another being who will no doubt create chaos in the world as it grows up.
In the world of sorcery, there is white magic and black magic. Black magic involves work with impure, or middle world spirits. White magic always works for the highest good, and involves pure intention only. There is no inbetween. If a client comes to a white path shaman with a disease, and wants it removed, the shaman must ask permission from higher guidance if they are allowed to work directly on the disease with their intent. If permission is not given, the shaman must reject the request. They can still do healing work on the client, but with pure intent, the nature of the energy medicine given is directed by spirit, not the individual doing the work. The whole point is that that persons disease will, in the long run or from a higher perspective, be a benefit to the collective(which still includes the individual in a fair way) like the disease might serve to teach the person a valuable lesson, therefore it's in the highest good that this person endures the disease. If the shaman were to remove the disease anyway, it woul be considered black magic , as it would be interfering with divine order.
Other black magic would include using psychic powers to influence and control peoples feelings and actions, or hexing/cursing people...using your powers to get what you want or what other people want in exchange for trade.
So what this means spiritually, is that when it comes to the good ol' moral compass, there is no right or wrong. There is simply pure and impure. Light and dark. Yin and yang. When it comes to value judgements of good or bad, they are coming from an arbitrary viewpoint. Like there is no basis to judge something like energy as positive or negative, because it all depends on your perspective. For example you might judge anger as negative, when really it can serve to empower us. So looking at the bigger picture, it may be beneficial. Killing or harming someone for revenge may be selfish or be looked at as negative(because it's destructive to life) , but would be considered as positive or beneficial if you agree that you are helping society by either humbling the person by teaching them a lesson, or cleaning up the streets by taking another ignorant person off the planet. So even when we act out of evil, we are serving as a teacher or simply a challenger to other beings.
And here I want to bring up the controlling elite on the planet. We have heard of the illuminati (illuminated ones) , evil reptilian and extraterrestrial rulers that are manipulating and using us (feeding from us) . Are they evil or are they our greatest teachers? Without the corrupted antagonist, we would remain peaceful and pure, but weak and less powerful. Naive .
Now, there is such thing as universal law, like how religion speaks of the consequences of your actions and how living purely will get you to a higher state of consciousness in peaceful existence, like heaven. There is no evil in this world, only selfishness of varying degrees. If someone murders for enjoyment, they are taking from another for their own personal fulfillment. What fulfills you? And is it ever directly or indirectly taking away from another entity? Like from the earths environment?
So being selfish isn't bad, it's just limiting. The collective can do and experience a lot more together than the sole individual. People who don't bother with selfless service don't know what their missing. People who always choose innocence are missing out as well, although they are staying clean.
Once I had the shift in perspective, and learned to embrace darkness, I suddenly stopped judging people ...! Something I did quite often. One of the Ten Commandments, interesting enough. A requirement to make it to heaven. I started channeliing dark spirits because it felt good and in order to learn from them. I started having many visions of how the dark energies could provide empowerment and protection. Remember that we are all channels of energy,light and dark. When one becomes psychic , they become more aware of the energies that come through, and can perceive them in greater ways. I knew and was shown that the dark spirits were a temporary tool to help me get to the point where I don't need their help anymore.
So now I have been looking at light and dark more like yin and yang than good and evil. The darkness serves to ground us, and teach us. I had a vision of how the universe is made up of light and dark, and how by shifting our perspective, we can transmute our reality, our perspective of Reality, to purely positive. This is the light that we all seek. However , by trying to steer clear of darkness it will never work. Only by going through the darkness , integrating it, can we get the tools we need to make it farther into the light. Ones power is limited unless they wield dark power. What this comes down to on a fundamental level is an attachment to love. If you are not afraid to be without love, to be In the dark , then you are stronger and can accomplish much more.
Before our universe was created, there was one of pure peace and unity with god. Everything was in perfect, loving harmony. Luscifer, one of angels in the angelic realm, decided, as an expiriment, and for the sake of having all possible realities that could be experienced to be played out, decided to sever his connection with god and divine love , creating seperation, just to see what would happen. Archangel Michael decided to join in on this expiriment, without severing his connection, and thus a dualistic universe of light and dark in chaotic opposition was created, inevitably to once again return to the source of oneness that it originated from. So it is interesting to note that without love, one must find other ways of feeding themselves(ego). Our sense of ego is rooted in the idea or construct of seperation . While feeding ego reinforces seperation from source, it empowers the individual because they become more self sufficient. The way I see it, is that we were born with ego, and trying to erase it or reject it is a dead end road. However we can transcend it (darkness) by going THRough it
I feel like I've been forced into the dark because of the experiences I've been through and the world that I live in. We are all innocent at our core, but are born into a world of corruption. Some live their whole live on this planet practicing pure innocence, but those individuals are naive, they are sheltered. They will never taste great power or have much influence. I didn't want to have to employ darkness like I am (embodying hatred, rage) but I know that it's necessary. I thought that if I could go back to Adam and Eve, I would tell her not to bite from the apple, but to live in blissful ignorance instead. Just after having this experience I heard some song lyrics of a similar mindset.
In the song called Demons by Imagine Dragons he says
"I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There's nowhere we can hide"
The beast meaning Luscifer...the archetype of darkness and seperation
Lastly I want to say that I believe the controlling elite has trimmed religious teachings to only focus on light work and have made out sin and darkness to be evil and should be avoided. The illumaniti uses black magic to control, knowing that those who avoid dark power can never stand up to it. They lead us away from darkness so that they have the upper hand.
To finalize this topic, I want to quote Don Juan when he said that "the nature of the universe is predatory"
When we remain innocent and pure, we are fed upon by other beings. To become a big fish, a powerful predator, we must use dark power. This gives us more influence in the world to help or harm. To use dark power means to feed yourself regardless of how it's affecting others. If they are dark, they are immune. If they are innocent, they will get hurt , but it's their fault in the first place for clinging to their sense of love and peace. Predators will prey regardless if you choose to participate or not.Are you going to fail to claim your power, and fail to take your fill simply for the sake of other peoples comfort? All I can say is "LOL"
