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almost 19 years ago
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1812
the end is love

i was a young soon-to-graduate college gal with an atypical, healthy lifestyle dressed in a navy blue blazer outfit with a black tanktop glittering with silver stars. i drove through an unidentified desert somewhere between new mexico and arizona alone. i was roadtripping as a final vacation before my big graduation. where i was headed was a great unknown with a desert sunset; i did however know i was lost and needed to find a way back on track to where ever i was going, and soon, before nightfall...

i turned right onto a clear, unpaved path, pulling into the driveway of what was probably the only home for tens of miles, and got out of the car. the home was two stories [pun intended] of old age, run down & boarded up abandoned waste complete with a creeking wooden porch and wild cactus gardens. after observing the premisis i hesitantly opened the unboarded front door expecting nothing tho much to my surprise a young, handsome man about my age apparently lived here. oddly, he was unstartled by my presence and even invited me in and away from the harsh desert atmosphere.

the interior was an odd, pale shade of lime green and decorated with outdated furnishings & peeling wallpaper featuring the kinds of designs any young man would probably not be interested in living with. more curious though was that the entire place was draped in light cobwebs and dust as though none of it had been touched for years... but this seemed not to matter to me. i was so enamored by the young fellow's looks and charm that i didn't bother to give his home's drastically aged appearance a second thought. our instant chemistry was intoxicating me.

we talked for hours over a few cold beers, fully engaged and enjoying eachother's fantastic company. we had so much in common and i was developing a serious place for him in my heart. nightfall fell and with it came a fuzzy sensation in my memory of this time and place. the young man pardoned himself to the bathroom, leaving me to myself. i buzzed with warmth as i thoroughly enjoyed his company despite the oddity of circumstance.

but something was changing, something had changed... i started tingling with numbness without apparent cause. when he came back, he returned through all parts of the room simultaneously. his mouth dripped with blood , skin pale as moonlight and eyes darkest i had ever known. he laughed in sinister tongue though i saw through it and sensed a long-lingering, terribly deep sadness within him. in that moment i realized he was the spirit of a young man who was perhaps murdered in this house many decades past. he was so helplessly vengeful about his death that he became a sort of astral terrorist.

he did terribly frightning things to me to examplify who was “boss”. many time i tried to escape his grasp, but i was no match for his feats of telekinetics. he'd simply ‘toss’ me back to the floor or a chair with only his 'mind'. desperately i tried to remind him how richly we had connected before nightfall. my begging for him to reason with me seemed to stream on for several days yet it was only hours, and worse still, to no avail. i simply could not get through to the spirit. he was too busy enjoying his selfish, frightening games.

* * *

as it turns, the young man was hosting an astral party that night for deceased individuals. they looked just as alive as he did--when first we met. the spirits were literally all different sizes. most of the young ladies wore blank black cheerleader uniforms devoid of any logo; the young men wore only black as well. i felt so helplessly out of place, so i watched the spirits from a corner in the living room where the young man could keep an eye on me. they all drank beers while exchanging with one another.

i could see their thought forms quite literally. an african-american girl discussed her younger cousin who died before she herself died. by her feet, in smaller proportion to herself, was the image of the cousin she had in mind as an animated photograph that itself seemed conscious. across the room from her was a tall afro-amero young girl looking at herself through a wall made of mirror. tho the mirror itself was flat, the girl's reflecting image was much taller and meaty than the girl ‘actually’ visually was.

this was all very interesting to me but still, i was trapped and i wished desperately to go home. the spirit i talked with initially had gone upstairs with others into what seemed like his bedroom. i got the impression he always wore something colorful when he still had a body and i think the few spirit-people in his room did too.

even though i had endured emotional and mental abuse from him, i still fondly recalled our moments of connection earlier in the evening. i went upstairs to check on him and saw a girl-spirit in his room. i couldn't help but feel jealous of her even though most of me just wanted to escape this place. i spotted a window in the upstairs hallway and crawled out of it, resting upon what little roofing remained there. of course, his superphysical many-places-at-once-'ness was already outside and waiting for me.

"what do you think you're doing?"

i was still buzzing from the beers we drank earlier (tho oddly i didn't even remember drinking), so i pretended like i just wanted to sit on the roof and enjoy myself.. "okay then", he conveyed telepathically. even with a now strange relationship we could still commune, even if fleetingly, as equals.

i had hoped to crawl down from the roof but instead i stayed and pondered on the significance of my meeting this strange man/being/spirit. the more i thought of him the more i just couldn't get him off my mind. we truly had some seriously deep shit in common ... and despite his scare tactics on me, i felt so aroused just thinking about him -- spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically... for some reason i felt like i just wanted to make love with him! yet a part of me still wanted to escape. impulsively i thought i could 'use' him to free myself, but our connection was too deep, too sacred for that.

without further thinking, i went to him and told him, "i want to have sex with you."but it was loud in his room and he didn't quite hear me, so again, louder, with confidence i exclaimed, "i want to fuck you!"

his darkened eyes lighted with astonishment. "oookay then, just a moment!" i heard him mentally wonder on the motives of my seemingly sudden desire as he escorted his friends out of his room to make space. i was thoroughly excited and couldn't wait to partake in this wonderful experience. i wasn't thinking of escaping at all now, only what lie ahead (yummmm.)

(memory gets fuzzy here) for some reason i plopped off the rooftop onto the ground which glistened with moist grass. odd, wasn't this place a desert a few hours ago completely devoid of any plant life other than cacti?... i looked up to the sky at the bright moon. internally, i was glowing although no longer sexually aroused.

suddenly, an older man wearing a fancy black suit and tophat (whom i thought to be another part of the ghost-guy) walked up to me from nowhere. happily, he relayed, "That's it! That's all there is, now. Love is the ending of this story." then, the ghost-guy came out of his house, happy as could be as a totally radiant character (although still i sensed a lingering sadness). he hugged me and said, "This is the end. There is only Love. You're finished here and now it's time to go."

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