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over 13 years ago
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Bear Medicine

I was staying in a large home with several people, most of whom were male. We were all working on something together, it seemed like each of us had a project we were trying to complete and we were taking turns helping each other with what we needed done. My project required a trip to the hardware store so i was waiting for the person who was going to take me there.

There was a romantic backstory happening behind the surface of this dream...a young man who was helping me with my project, with whom i had a very soulful connection. He appeared occasionally for brief moments but then disappeared again and left me wondering where he was. I remember feeling a longing to discover more of that connection but the timing was never right--he was taking a nap at one point, i was in a conversation at another point where he'd come upstairs to get some water, and i think he was the one taking me to the hardware store but he'd gotten involved in someone else's project and that was holding everything up. Meanwhile, one of the other guys liked me a lot and was paying attention to me. It's the story of my life, really--the one i'm longing for is mysterious and fleeting, only showing up occasionally, and then someone else is following me around just waiting for me to say the word. So the guy who liked me, well, he was nice...we had a bit of a connection too...so the last thing i remember in this dream before waking up was kissing him in the kitchen while my heart was echoing for my true soul lover.

Another layer of this dream was that some people were to be arriving soon and staying with us, and they had such a large group that it was going to require a lot of rearranging of the house and especially the kitchen. Then i found out who was coming--it was Roman Villagrana and his new band called Bear Medicine. He was traveling around with a huge family posse, like Sly and Family Stone, only the family was a tribe of Native Americans and he had his kids with him too. So in this dream layer, i watched what amounted to a music video of their debut song which was about a bear that was the largest bear ever observed on earth. Roman's girlfriend had a business making colorful panties and that was how the band made enough money to tour. Everyone sat around helping to assemble the panties, singing together, all day long. So they showed up and took over the living room, had boxes of panty parts and sewing stuff spread out all over the floor, and they had cooks with them preparing food for everyone--because their tour group had something like 30 people in it. The cooks were preparing salad and those of us who were staying there originally had to stay out of the kitchen. At about this point, the dream faded into the music video which began with a poster that Roman was downloading, which Naiya had found online. It was a photo of an enormous bear that he was paying $40 to print out. I looked deeply into the photo and the bear's face started to change. Then the music started, and i was in the cave with the bear. There were children with us and we were all observing it. This bear was as large as an elephant, and i was very nervous having the kids so close to it. As we were watching the bear, Roman was singing. He sounded like Stone Gossard and looked like a real rock star. I was really impressed. The song was kind of grunge rock but had these Native American people singing back up and playing flute. I had the lyrics and melody in my head when i woke up but can't remember them now. I only remember that the song was passionate and kind of sad, and that Roman looked really beautiful, and Naiya was singing backup, and the bear started humping something in the corner of the cave and we all felt embarrassed watching.

I never did reconnect with that boy i liked, but i feel him in my belly...that yearning feeling that never quite goes away, only occasionally sends sparks up to my heart. He is my Spirit Lover, and will probably elude me for the rest of my life until i can feel complete without him.

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