I had many dreams that I can't really remember but I know that Christine Buchsbaum was in many of them. Then I dreamed that I was going to the liquor store because I needed to break a bill not because I wanted alcohol, but ended up having to buy some for the man to break it. I decided to buy some beer and some jager for my friends. First I wanted to buy them coors light and then decided on PBR. After my purchase I turned around and there was Christine. We embraced and I told her that I had seen her and that we keep running into each other. Then I realized that the previous encounters I had with her were all dreams. I felt that I was on the verge of realizing that I was dreaming, but I didn't quite get there. Then Sean and I got up and and went and hung the labels for our art show before the restaurant opened. Then we came back home and went back to sleep. As I was starting to doze I had many fleeting and intense visions. The first dream I had after successfully falling back asleep began with Sean and I back at the restaurant hanging art. Sean had a flat open trailer attached to his car for transporting art work. When everything was almost done in the restaurant, (he had finished what he had to do, and I just had a few little things to do) he went to the car to wait for me to come out. When I was finished I went outside and saw Sean driving away. I tried to go after him , but lost him and couldn't see where he went. I figured he would just loop back around and come back to pick me up. So I started walking back to the restaurant. I had a huge back pack on full of heavy objects. As I was walking back, all the people I passed seemed to be emotionally dead negative beings. As I passed they all looked at me as if I didn't belong. They gave me frightening looks. I was not seeing Sean driving back up the street and I was starting to get angry. Maybe I missed him because I was distracted by the scary people so I quickened my pace in case he was back to the restaurant and was waiting. I didn't want him to leave me behind again. I came to an intersection and had the right of way to cross. As I began to step out into the street a car was headed my way. It was a couple in a green truck. I stepped back on to the curb to avoid them and the girl driving came right up on the curb, just barely grazing me. She did a ferocious U-turn and started driving in the opposite direction. I ran after the car and pounded on it with my hand they looked back as if it was the first time they had spotted me, I flipped them off, and immediately felt guilty for it. I felt as though that was my response because it had been culturally programmed into me and wouldn't be how I would respond if I was being true to myself. They flipped me off with such anger and dark emotion and sped off. As I came up to the restaurant doors there was a group of shady looking men standing out front. I had to stand near them in order for Sean to see me so I apprehensively walked up to them. I smiled and nodded, trying to lighten the vibe. One of the men asked me for some change, thinking to myself if I had some or not ( I will always give change, if I have it, to some one in need enough to ask for it) and before I had the chance to respond he grabbed my arm and pulled me in closer to him and asked again if I had any change. This time in an annoyed tone. I pulled my arm away and by this time I knew I did have some to give but because of this space invading move he pulled, I decided to tell him that I didn't have any. He responded with "Your telling me that you don't have any money in that huge back pack?" I responded with, "you just assaulted me, so no, I don't." This made him angry because he now knew that I did have some and as a result of his actions I was not going to give him any. He grabbed and pulled on my back pack and I had this horrible feeling that he was about to do something terrible to me. The other men started gathering around me and I felt as though I was going to be raped. Then it was almost as though I blacked out within my dream. I left my dream body so that I did not have to experience what was about to happen. There was no dream activity during this time. When I came too, I was in front of the restaurant. They were gone and so was my pack. I new that my body had just been traumatized. I looked around and still there was no sign of Sean. I was distraught. I started walking back in the direction I came from looking for something. The street was fairly empty with the exception of a few emotionally dead people. They turned me off so bad that I was looking for an escape from this place. I kept looking to the store fronts. I was hoping I could enter into a place different from this. Then in between two stores there was a narrow tall green gate. It was not fully shut so I opened it. There was a narrow stair case that seemed to go up and up forever. I started running up the stairs and reached the top. it was beautiful. There was a giant lake on top with land bridges that crossed it and were covered in brilliant plants. There were lounge chairs and flagstone walk ways around the water. This place was a sanctuary, a paradise. Plants everywhere. The vibration of this place was so much higher than where I had just come from. It felt amazing. I could remember thinking to myself I have never seen this part of Denver. I was trying think about where this place existed in my mental map of Denver. Things are a little fuzzy here but somehow I met this man who said his name was Adam Apollo. He was very kind and could tell that I had just been through a traumatizing event. He embraced me and began healing me. He was pulling energy up my spine and removing any disharmonies he came across. At one point we were sitting on the side of the water and we were touching in a very sensual healing way. As we laid there breathing together It almost felt like he was healing me from all the sexual trauma from my entire life starting when I was young girl. This was wonderful. I have been working through and with this type trauma for many years and truly feel like he healed a great deal of it in one night of dreaming. For this I am extremely grateful, honored, and humbled. We decided to do some eye energy work and see into each other's past lives. We sat up and began meditating together. It felt amazing. He wanted to continue doing this, but I had to stop. I was so overwhelmed by all that had just happened. I left and new I would be back up the magical stair case but had to see if Sean had remembered me. I went back down the stairs and out the gate. Sean was a little ways down the street in his car. I went to him and was no longer angry but more just felt totally detached from him. I felt like I could not connect in with him because of he might abandon me in the future. So in a way I felt like I set him free, but was also protecting myself. He said that the reason he left me was because he felt bad taking up two spots with his car and trailer, and someone drove up looking for a spot, so he decided to drive off with the intent of looping back around to get me so they could park. He said as he was driving this short distance he got very sleepy and thought he would pull over and rest his eyes for a moment before coming back, to avoid an accident. He ended up falling asleep for longer than intended and when he came to and back around I was gone. I felt so deserted and abandoned. Then somehow we were walking all of a sudden down the same dead zone street I had been trekking all day. he noticed the gate as we walked by, (I was going to keep it a secret) and went to open it. I rushed towards it and said NO! YOU are not allowed to go in there! I felt as though this place beyond the gate was for people who were prepared and far along they're spiritual path. I felt like the vibration of this place would be too much for his being to digest. Any other day I would have wanted him to see this place, but after being left behind by him, to be raped by a group of nasty men, I felt that he was not ready. He got offended and we kept walking passed it. Thats about all I remember. I know I had other dreams after that but now they are too fuzzy to recall.
May 12th, Taking the steps to elevated consciousness
