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Reality blurs away

I have so many amazing dreams that I need to go that I've had in the last month or so...My life has been so hectic lately and I haven't been keeping up. I decided to start with this experience though even tho it was not the most pleasant...

My mother has gone away on vacation....I have very much enjoyed her absence as much as I LOVE her!!!! My father is working in Texas at the moment, which is where my mother is vacationing at the moment. I broke up with my boyfriend at the same time my dad went to work in Texas so the natural thing to do was move in with my mother since she requires rides everywhere and I don't like the idea of her staying alone... Also I very much desire to move away from my town soon (the only thing keeping me here is my client who's a labeled quadriplegic, she has been the best learning experience any therapist could ever wish for! and I'd like to continue our therapy together for awhile because she is gaining mobility rapidly now!!! God gave us each other and BIG BEAUTIFUL things are going to come form our relationship) so staying with my mother has helped me save a great deal :-D. ANYWAYS... for 3 1/2 years I never slept alone in a bed much less alone in the house so being alone at night while she has been away hasn't always been the most pleasant.. and last Thursday it finally started to really bother me.

A major anxiety attack hit me like I have not seen in quite some time. My mind started feeling funny and my 3rd eye vision began to intensify greatly. The endorphins in my body skyrocketed and I felt high and fucked up. Suddenly my heart started beating hard and very rapidly. My breath became out of control and I could hear an ugly rasping from deep in my lungs which startled me more and made me breath quicken more still. Such a fear was rising inside. Crying I begged for it to stop and go away before I started seeing the things I wish not to see. Twas too late and my visioned just continued to sharpen. All the tiny dots of light that hold every color in them making waves of aura, all the tiny little geometric shapes making designs floating around. The shadows swaying. I went into the bathroom and stared at the mirror. Just standing there staring in the mirror watching myself breathe and cry frantically. Then something that has never happened to me before sober happened. The image in the mirror began to morph. Just a little at first, it seemed as if there was a wave under my skin. Then it was as if someone took their thumb and smudged my face as if they were painting or something. It's hard to explain, but it just suddenly smudged and was a blur. I screamed, went into the hallway, slid down the wall and started hugging my knees while rocking. I felt so strange and scared. Then all of a sudden I saw a 3 twinkles of light and this ENORMOUS amount of love and peace fell down upon me and the feeling dissipated as quickly as it had came.....

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