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over 10 years ago
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1889
A Puppy Heart Hug

My close friend and classmate, Renee, and I give a presentation together in class. The class is gathered in circle, sitting on the floor. I feel nervous. The teacher had given me special permission to present with Renee since I had been grieving and was not ready to give a presentation of my own. The teacher is a motherly figure of sorts who reminds me of both my Craniosacral teacher, Chris, and my old boss, Judy.

Renee and I enter into the middle of the circle and she starts speaking first. We are presenting a color. She is incredibly articulate and confident. As she speaks, I struggle to come to my feet and instead crawl around. Finally her words lead into something that I'm ready to comment on and she gives me the opportunity to speak. I come to my feet. I start to explain about the greyscale, stating "this color falls on the 0-90 range, meaning that it's somewhere between white and medium grey." Renee interjects, adding that "it has color though." I feel embarrassed that I explained it incorrectly, and try to defend myself, stating that "it has pink in it." The anxiety starts to rise up in me and I lose my voice.

Renee and I then sit in the center of the circle and start trimming plants. A fellow classmate joins us in the trimming while slow, ambient music is playing in the background. I continue to sulk and feel embarrassed. Time seems to just be dragging on. The teacher's pet poodle, Zunie (who was Judy's poodle in waking life), comes up to me and gives me a puppy, heart hug. This is very comforting and I thank her. Finally, our presentation comes to a close.

The teacher explains to the class that the last part of our presentation was to demonstrate how our color "feels." The teacher then explains that I've been grieving, and that is why no one knows me very well and why I presented with Renee today. I get the impression that she is trying to both support me and offer some understanding to the classmates as to why I seem so sad.

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