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The Mansions

[There are parts of this dream that I detest, but I'll write it in here anyways, as a therapy, and to share and express it as well. I also warn that it's quite a long text. :)]

This mansion with many rooms; many bedrooms and bathrooms... that's the first image. I was going rounds and rounds as if trying to find a bathroom, one that would feel private and comfortable, for they all seemed to be either missing paper, a door, or privacy, or feeling small, dirty or simply uncomfortable.

The family was to come, the whole family, and I felt unprepared to see them. I felt dirty and I wanted to bathe... When they did arrive I saw them coming outside in a beautiful patio, and an uncle I barely talk to, I saw him separately, looking at something from the patio. I said hello to him first and only him. Later I continued on my search for the bathroom and rooms. When I came back to the family, still being my search unsuccessful, they wanted me to be there for the family pictures, which they had already taken, because some people had to go early. I said I wanted to bathe first, I'd be quick and then I would. I still hadn't properly said hello to anyone, except my uncle.

But I went to some of the many rooms, yet again... I went to many: some were used, like one, I entered and there was my aunt and my cousin changing clothes or something, then another, and there was my grandfather sleeping, then other, was small, uncomfortable and/or dirty. Others, the bathrooms especially, felt open, as if it had no door at all or where in the middle for all to see (bathtub)... there were different floors... There was an upper room that was quite caricaturesque... there was actually a caricature character sleeping there, to which I called in the dream Vivianne Ariadner or something like it. And she had been sleeping, this long spaghetti-like character, with oval long face, droopy and sad eyes, with her sleeping cap and robe, on a green comfy room with yellowy light. She wakes up suddenly, at my opening of the door, and I quickly said sorry and closed it again, a bit confused about what I had just seen.

But ultimately, I did found one and took a bath...

But that bath seemed to endure forever... my mind drifted off someplace else... some place... I do not like... That even while taking a bath I would feel dirty and uneasy.

Another world became before my eyes and I couldn't be sure if it was real or imagined, but for the time being, I was then a man in another mansion/big house, and in a whole different story... it felt as if I had gone to more depths of 'me'... whatever that was...

This man was not a good one... In his house he had woman or little girls for his own pleasure. He would enclose them there. The house had various floors, and on the upper one, third or fourth, lived the girls. Outside the view was of both of rural and like a small city mixed together -there was a wide terrain of green on one side, and the streets and many houses on the other. It seemed cold and as if soon it would rain...

There was a girl then, the youngest, with dark soft hair, touching her shoulders, with bangs almost touching her eyes. She seemed very young and innocent, almost sad, yet also bright with inner hidden joy. She was beautiful. This was his favorite and I'm not sure if the first or the last 'acquisition'... probably the most recent, yet it felt as the oldest, the one with most 'connectedness'...

Another 'girl', a tall woman with short blond hair and luscious lips came suddenly to the door and 'I' showed her the way up (suddenly this time it was me, a short-sized normal girl). She was elegantly dressed in black and carried bags as if to move in. When she came up the stairs there we found two or three other girls in the upper floor. All said hello. Most seemed just bored and restless.

But all this wouldn't last forever... there was an image of dark and dirty ground, black earth, in which fat nasty worms would come up from holes... crawl and move in the dark. This scene started changing a bit, when in the dark bit by bit images of floor began to be revealed as flashes; appeared and disappeared again... random images of lighter floor and room... blue and green... an underground place it was... it was as it was being uncovered and it felt as if the police had gotten there, looking at the things to be seen in this place...

Pictures and what not, this was the room the poor dark haired girl had her fate... of growing up faster? Knowing the 'dark side' of men or human in general?... being an object to someone else... and having no 'power' or will to deny it/go against it. The man was there... That was his 'shrine' And it seemed as though he loved her. He did. He wouldn't 'hurt' her.

I could hear again the falling water of the shower... bit by bit I regained consciousness of my own self and the place I was... I felt I had been too long in the bath... so I quickly left.

When I went out, there were less people in the house, or so it felt... and the majority were in a little kitchen and there was something going on I could read in their faces... the food they had made had been too little; there were some children, my cousins, that were hungry, and I hadn't eaten yet, and others were too a bit hungry. And apparently there was not much left to make, so dad was saying that he would have to go out and buy something quick. At this place I had said hello to the second person, a cousin of mine that I cherish. I almost didn't, for I didn't saw him sitting where he was, or I was too distracted to look, but he asked if I wasn't to greet him, and I did then, and we talked, and I felt comfortable there and then.

--Then comes a separate portion of the dream, back at the house of the man, which I'll recount mainly because how it ends -an image that's so 'abstract' and irrational, as dreams are, that I just love. But anyways, here it goes:

A parade was going on outside... a gay parade. But probably also one against it front of the house. One woman, at the girls' upper room, was putting up images, posters and doing drawings and paintings that were pro-gay in the window, and I had just seen the Man down at the anti-gay file of people... so I was a little scared for her actions, if it would get us in trouble. He probably won't like it, I said. I saw among these images a painting of 'Annie' [fake name for a person I cherish, a drag-queen; we don't talk anymore] and I recognized she would be there, down there... and I saw her from there even; she was in the middle of a street among many other gay people from the parade, taking a group shot. I said I would go down... I passed front of them... kept walking... head down... suddenly I hear 'what's up?' beside me... and I didn't know what to say... he was talking to me? 'what's up? what's up?' There were laughter around, from the parade people afar... I started for something... talking, saying, but... I knew this couldn't happen... I watched him go forward the street and disappear... and I disappear or transformed suddenly into a keyboard that fell and broke at the middle of the street...

To make a connection, when I mentioned the name of the caricature, Vivianne, I had also another image of 'another me', searching for her name at the internet to check if it was her, this character... and it came positive at Google. The keyboard points to 'searching' the internet... searching for 'Annie' in general... which can also parallel to Vivianne - a character, a caricature, a non-existent figure... or an inanimate object from the figment of my imagination.

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