i was dreaming about me and some friends sitting on a rooftop terrace having some drinks ...
everybody went home and i ( lived there ) wanted to take the stairs to go down to another room ... there were some branches like a vine or other plants and i heard buzzing ...
a fat insect like a giant horsefly or bumblebee ...
i wanted to hit it to end the buzzing using a rolled up towel , but when i missed i awoke ...
when i awoke i felt as if i needed a lot more sleep ...
but i couldn't fall asleep , my head was full of thoughts and a song that entered my brain a few days ago and didn't leave since ...
i tried to relax and empty my mind ...
ignoring all thoughts and calming down the music in my head ...
it was a hard thing to do , but here and there a few moments were calm and empty ... i saw once or twice the earth from above , not the whole globe but a third was within my view ... it was a very calming vision , ( i don't know if i was asleep or not but it felt as if i was awake , still trying to sleep or meditate ) ...
there were a few comparisons in this vision , or thought stream ... being in the surf , where the water is wild and noisy being on the sea ( far behind the surf ) where the water is more calm and quiet ...
also compared to : being on the surface of this planet in between cities , very noisy and distracting ... being in the sky or outer space , looking to the planet from a silent place ...
then a bigger image or vision came ... the comparison between nothingness and total silence and the absence of light nor dark ... and ... an immense twirling and geometric "fractalism" with loads and loads of colors
a vague question arose ... ( not in the exact words as i describe , there where no words , only this feeling )
" why , would there be this absolute heavy and wild and vigorous dynamism ... if such a calm and empty nothingness exists ? "
i heard a voice ( definitely not mine , and not in my mothers language )
" its because i have/am nothing " ( the "have" or "am" would have been one word , one verb )
it was very clear , this answer , very obvious ... but it shocked me , since i really "heard" this voice , it was not in my head like all other thoughts or music ... i felt as if my ears recieved the message this voice did sound very big , strong , deep and heavy - as if one particular being was responsible for the presence all the things that are - this being did answer my question ...