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I take this place as my daily journal

Today is the 29 march 2012 and I woke up and tough what I was dreaming last night.
And I only could remember parts of the dreams.
Wired and no sense at all making.
My real live is totally F.... up. I live together with my daughter and her 3 yr. old son. This child I love so much.
But she dont get her live straight. She hangs on the so called father of her child. This lazy MF is just like a tig in your showdogs fur. Hard to get it out.
All my pain and suffer is cuz my body is weak and give up, my menthal strengh is fading.
And I dont know where to find the power to go ahead and keep fighting.

But I will. A good , very good friend was talking to me.
What do I think I am here for.
I said I dont know, I feel useless, old and full of pain.
He said ask me.
So I did.
He answered I am here to worship god. And I feel good with that.

Yes, I have to give my live a reason. I do believe on god, but I am in a twilight zone
WHY. I am a born German Protestant. Never been much for church, Priest lies , said my father, he never went. He said he dont need a middleman to talk to GOD, he said he talks straight with him.

My Father left me when I was 12. He died. And left a big whole in my heart.

But I think there will be hope. I dont feel at least that one is for sure. Allah,God love me, no matter how I look, no matter what education I have, no matter if rich or poor, as long I can open stay up for him.

I am on my way to that.
Please dear Lord,God,Allah please give that sinner here a little more time.

It just feel good to write it down. If you dont like to read just click and go out of my Journal.

Love and happiness to you all-

god
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