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almost 13 years ago
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morning, sunshine

i don't remember what we were talking about, but my whole family was together at my parent's place, arguing about something. or maybe not arguing, but the room was full of tension.

i can remember telling them all where i was going, and then making my exit, hoping at least my older brother would follow me, leaving the door open behind me as i walked out and down a gravel road, where my younger brother had already gone to. he was collecting things in a trailer, a wagon of sorts, or the bed of an old truck. i told him that's not how this is done, but he ignored me. i walked on, carrying nothing.

(here i woke up, i remember thinking how odd that my whole family was in the same room; that never happens anymore, in life or in dreams)

i went with cyndy, the most open-minded pastor at my old church, to the movie theater to watch a movie. the era was middle ages-ish, with a king and peasants, donkeys and mutts, dirt roads and wooden structures. there was a lady with a dancing bear who refused to dance. there was twin dog heads facing each other, lying in the dirt, surrounded in vomit, like they'd bitten each other's heads off and then spewed. a tension filled the air, the people were on edge, the king was nervous. he'd received an odd delivery of sorts; two donkeys, each with 2 leather saddle-bags but no riders, had showed up at the castle doors. what's it supposed to mean?

i'm up on one of the wooden structures, so i see it at the same time that the lookout guard, a young man, sees it. why's he the only one paying attention? he yells down to the king and his guards, to look at the horizon. there's a massive sun coming up, and coming up fast. it's huge. it covers the entire horizon and we can only see 1/4 of it, not even. this is the end! water. we need water! that's what the message meant. simply and to the point. people are going crazy in the streets, the king (played by johnny depp?) is trying to climb the tower for a better view, or to get something. it's not here! i yell down. he goes back down and the sun is coming up. everybody can see it now, rising over the mountains, it's all you can see. the people are running around like headless chickens, clueless and doomed.

cyndy and i leave the theater, i put on my low-heeled cowboy boots (i don't actually have a pair of these), and we walk out down a wide sidewalk through a park. she's flipping out, like this movie was actually breaking news, convinced the end is nigh. i try to calm her down. she wonders how my mom will make it home from work, by bus? no she has her own vehicle, she'll be fine. ok.

we get to her house and the TV is on. she just about starts crying. look! they're showing it! i look at the screen and see an independence day-like scene, a beam of light shooting into the white house, or is it a large fire coming out? there's a huge white ball, a sun or spaceship, floating above it. is this news or a movie advertisement? she sees it as real. she sits on a couch-chair, pulling her knees up and hugging them, crying. her husband is in the next chair, visibly upset, but he does nothing to try to comfort her. her youngest daughter standing behind her, her son, older daughter and son-in-law in the back of the room, out of focus. everybody's here. this is doom.
yes, but aren't you excited about what's coming next?
there's nothing next, just doom and death.
but heaven? aren't you excited about heaven? i try appealing to her christian faith. is it not as strong as she made out to be?
no. she sobs. no i'm not. i don't know what's coming.
i try to encourage her, smiling. well, i'm excited. i've no idea what's coming (i think of ayahuasca and wish i could explain), but i know it's gonna be amazing!

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